Missing my mom

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who are sad. They will be comforted.

Losing a mother is a pain that cannot be described in words. It is impossible to move on from the memory of losing the woman who sacrificed happiness in her own life so that you could have a better one. A mother’s love is truly irreplaceable.

December 16 is my mother’s birthday. She would have been 81 this year, but she has been gone for over 4 years now. I can still see her smile, hear her infectious laughter, and feel her hugs. She was an amazing woman that had a love for the Lord so strong; she would always ask a total stranger if they knew the Lord.

There are many times that I want to ask her a question that she was the only one that could remember the answer to. Or Jayne would say; I wish your mom were here, she always knew what to do, or she would have so much fun doing this.

I thank God for every year that we had together and only ask that we could have spent more together as adults. I would love to tell her: “Mom I know you’ve loved me as long as I’ve lived but I’ve loved you my whole life.” I am happy to say, that during her last year on earth we spoke and got to see each other almost every day. But, the pain and regret of not making the most of every single moment we spent together is worse than the pain of her death.

Proverbs 1:8-9 Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.  They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.

The beautiful memories of the times we’ve spent together make me smile, only until the moment when they eventually remind me that you’re no longer here. I have learned a lot in life and have learned a lot from my mother and father. Mostly what I learned from my mother was to have a passion for the Lord and share His love with everyone.

You don’t realize how many hours your mom has prayed for you before and after you were born, never underestimate the love that your mom has for you.

1 Samuel 1:26-28 and she said to him, “Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord. I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.

I know she loved each of her children and prayed for them, because she told me so. She prayed for our salvation more than anything, because she knew the power of God and what He does for us. I also know she prayed for her grandchildren in the same way. I am sure that she prayed for the great-grandchildren that she never saw.

When I was younger I wished to grow older so I could finally move out and do my own thing. But now I wish I could just turn back time to be a child and hug my mom again.  Please, please, do not wish you could grow so old that you could not see your loved ones again. This time of the year is so hard on family, but with time comes healing, but it only dulls the pain. You truly never get over it.

1 Peter 4:7-11 Everything in the world is about to be wrapped up, so take nothing for granted. Stay wide-awake in prayer. Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything. Be quick to give a meal to the hungry, a bed to the homeless—cheerfully. Be generous with the different things God gave you, passing them around so all get in on it: if words, let it be God’s words; if help, let it be God’s hearty help. That way, God’s bright presence will be evident in everything through Jesus, and he’ll get all the credit as the One mighty in everything—encores to the end of time. Oh, yes!

Recently Jayne and I went to Lake Tahoe and Reno. Back in 1954 my parents had their photo taken over looking Donner Lake from Donner Pass on US40. Our whole goal that time we were out there was to find that same spot they took their picture from and duplicate it. We found it! I kept thinking how my mother must have felt driving up the mountain and seeing that view. (Trying to keep her memory alive.)

Love them like they will not be here tomorrow, because tomorrow is never guaranteed.

Matthew 6:33-34 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Now I understand when I would ask my parents what they wanted for Christmas or their birthday...and they would tell me nothing.

What do I want for Christmas or birthday? I want you. I want you to keep coming around, I want you to bring your kids around, I want you to ask me questions, ask my advice, tell me your problems, ask for my opinion, ask for my help, make me feel needed. I want you to come over and rant about your problems, rant about life, whatever. Tell me about your job, your worries, your husband/wife, and your kids. I want you to continue sharing your life with me. Come over and laugh with me, or laugh at me, I don't care. Hearing you laugh is music to my ears!

Raid my refrigerator, help yourself, I really don't mind. In fact, I wouldn't want it any other way.

I want you to bring your kids around. I love it when they're here, and to be honest, sometimes I love it when they leave, too. I want to tease them, play with them, teach them, spoil them, and do the things I didn't have the time, money, or wisdom to do with you. They're my "do over". When I'm dead and gone, I want them to miss me. I want them to remember me and say, "Those were good times".

I want you to spend your money making a better life for you and your family; I have the things I need. I want to see you happy and healthy. When you ask me what I want for Christmas or my birthday, I say "nothing" because you've already been giving me my gift all year. I want you.

Happy Birthday, mom and Merry Christmas. Your family misses you each day. I love you, Michael.